Kurai Extravaganza

I have been asked - in regard to my previous entry, Fascination - whether the fascination means that I enjoy reading tragical stories, or that I have a wish to end like thatmyself.

How cananyone wish for such an end. Nobody wants to have their head decapitated for asentence about sweets which wasn't even theirs to begin with, likeMarie-Antoinette. Talking about meaningless violence!

Marie-Antoinette defending herself before the revolutionary court

Certainly Ihave a slight death wish. I have quite an interest for knives, and then I donot mean an episode of Grey's anatomy; I have a love hate relationship with the scale of things. Mostly the scale of myself.

Surelythere are moments when I get completely depressed and suicidal. However,everyone has such a moment every now and then. Everyone has a death wish inthem, which tends to surface in a certain way. Anyone who doesn?t certainly must be a statue, made of stone, with no feeling at all.

However, that does not mean anyone would want to lose their head in such a literally way, nor being shot in a dark cellar in a depressing house which had been a cage, where youhad been locked up.

The Ipatiev house cellar after the murder

The Romanovs didn't ask for it, and so will no one ever do. No fair judgement, no lifebeyond youth, only hollow fame because of the way you died. Yes, there isalways a part in me that wants to die, but then again, I'm afraid of dying.Funny if you think about the things I do, but true nonetheless, and although adeath wish, I'd never wish to end like this...