Kurai Extravaganza

A train called life
 

 
There have been many things going through my mind lately. I tried capturing them in a single blog entry, only to find out that it is simply impossible to do so. So, I decided to single out only one thing, and write a bit more elaborate entry on this.

Once again, the subject is changes, once again. The reason I picked this one thing to write about is that I want to get it out of my system.

You see, last Sunday, I had sort of a fight with one of my best friends over the fact that I have changed so much. I though that she, of all people, would be able to realize that it is not so suddenly as she believed it to be. A lot of people around me saw it coming for quite a while already. That is at least what they told me. Thus, my question is: why could she not?

It is funny to see how easily people expose their true feelings or intentions. The last two days, I had people coming up to me and telling me that I looked very nice, people whom I usually have very little contact with. However, certain people whom will tell you they are my friends when asked, but in reality are anything but and only join our group because otherwise they would have to stand on their own (I apologize for the stigmatisation); they looked more and more annoyed with every compliment which was made to me. Now, it might just be me, but being almost green in the face of envy is not a very flattering look, wouldn't you agree?

You might wonder why I am stressing the fact so much that people payed attention to the way I look. Simply this: During the past two days, I received more compliments and positive attention than I did during the past six years. You cannot begin to understand the wonderous effect it has on one's self-consciousness. It made me sure that it is the right choice which I have made, in every way I can think of. Re-inventing oneself is possible, one just has to have the composure to go along with it. Simply a change in appearance is not enough, one also has to change her inner self, too.

I had expected that it would not change till university, but it is definately paying off already. Makes me feel like Wonderwoman, in a certain way.

Now, a little lesson for everyone whom does not understand the point in my changes: as children, we were taught not to look at someone's looks, but rather at the inside. We all learned the verb 'A heart made of pure gold'. However, ten or twelve years later, it appears many people have forgotten. Why? Because it is not as simple as looking only at the appearance.
Strange, because in fact, I still like the same things I did before. Yes, I've grown up more (or as a colleague of my mother expressed it: 'She has become quite a lovely young lady'), but this is a natural process which everyone goes through. One loses the extreme edges she has to herself, as she learns to get along with others better, as she learns to blend in more without losing herself.

Still, Ordinary life is a waste as I see it, and I will always give my own spin to it. At my time, at my conditions. Anyone who disagrees can jump off this train for it will take turns in unexpected directions

No direction is expected in life. No trail is laid out. And as life is a journey, you board the train of which you think it will take you where you wish to go. But along the road, directions change, and the people you travel with leave and others you will meet. It is the same old story and it never changes. Only the names and faces. However, it is not too bad. Because, every new direction you take makes you a different person, and every thing that passes by is what makes you the person whom you are.

If anyone cannot deal with the direction which you have taken, it is time to let go of them. I will never again let myself be held back by any friends, and thus I am prepared to let go of those whom no longer appear to connect with me. I have lost more friends along my journey and I keep every memory dear, but the train never turns back. The train never stops at any stations.

Aboard the train of your choice. Life is ours, and ours alone. It will only bring us there where we desire. Believe in yourself and everything will look brighter, even when the train appears to go through a long and dark tunnel. Life is only what we make out of it, and those whom do not fit in this idyllic picture anymore may leave the train at anytime. There is no need holding them back.

Be like your own Wonderwoman and live life to it's fullest. Dare to let your train take you to destinations unknown!


Sometimes, I feel like Wonderwoman.
Get on a date with Superman, Fly the sky, just because I can
(Lyric: Wonderwoman, by Leaf)

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Apparently I have managed to make several things mix up in a single entry. However, seeing how late it is now, I  will now lay it to rest, promising you to untangle it later.

Wishing everyone a lovely day tomorrow,

{Queen Elise}