Kurai Extravaganza

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Kurai Extravaganza

I no longer even understand the signals my body sends. it took me about five miniutes to realize that it was hunger that i felt. I didn't even realize it. Funny, but distorted.

I tell you what frightens me, and you tell me about your math.

'This is no great illusion

 When I'm with you I'm looking for a ghost

 Or invisible reasons to fall out of love

 Or run screaming from our home'

Why do I even bother, to look for this ghost? It doesn't care.

Why try telling you, if you run away from it? If it disgusts you, than I'll handle it alone. But it's part of me. What is the use of loving me, if you cannot stand to be confronted with quite a part of me?

'To you I'm a symbol or a monument

 Your right of passage to fulfillment

 But I'm not yours for the taking.'

And once again I was keeping my mouth shut.

'Zeit,daß wir uns endlich sprechen.

 Zeit, das Schweigen zu durchbrechen.

 Du kennst mich. Ja, du kennst mich.'

'Wirklichfrei macht wahrscheinlich nur der Wahnsinn.

 Doch zum Wahnsinn fehlt mir der Mut.

 So spiel ich die Starke und tu was ich tu,

 als wär dieses Leben mehr als Täuschung, Irrtum, Betrug.

 Als wär nichts, nichts, gar nichts genug.'

Is there anything left to say, tiptoeing around?

I'm gonna shed me some skin,

Get me real real slim,

I want to feels my bones on your bones,

Scared of the scale, we are stuck in a scarytale. We haven't a desire to get out. Isn't that funny? It's more scary to get out, once the thoughts creep back in. You only have to stand upon the scale to fall back again.s of g

And we thought we weren't in deep... Thoughts of getting out easily are false. It is fake to believe you can escape. To a certain extend maybe, but you'll get drawn back in. The world is safe in such arms, no matter how creepy they are.

And it keeps my thoughts distracted...

I wish I had a body to die for,

Skinny is sexy,

Big isn't beautiful.

"I made an appointment for you at two 'o clock,

 Will you be able to show up?"

I believe it is a sign of being well-mannered to include two people in making an appointment, to say: to include both parties. Just issuing a paper commanding me to show up  is not an appointment. The exact definition of the word is 'an arrangement to meet a person or be at a place at a certain time'. In this case, an arrangement is not made, one is simply commanded.

'Car l' etat est moi '

All hail this fool!

And manners were never so poor at university...

Curiosity killed the cat, they say. It certainly did not kill me. Strangly enough... But whatever the case may be, I always want to know more about it. I want to know the 'why' behind all things. Even if no one understands the answer.

Even if the case is especially sad or gruesome. It only fuels the curiosity.

I keep wondering, why would anyone write the end to her own story. Abruptly, without meaning. A grand departure. At what point loses one interest in the continueing story, even when her own storyline demands for her to end.

I think it is coureagous. But what I can say, nothing ever happened to me. After all, ill weeds grow apace. A simple depression can not create such a state of mind.

Death frightens me. In all but one way. So, I believe that it takes courage to take the step to step out of it.

But it is weak as well. It is cowardly not to fight. Yes, there are many things which must happen before you take such a step. But then again, you know how to fight when you get to such a point. It is not as if it all dwans on you in one second. Such things grow. It is that proces that catches my curiosity.

But I have to admit, it is anything but honourful. It is more honourful to fight...

Ionia Nisia

Saw the king of Hades ever

One of the rocks?

Laid Posseidon eyes on the

Green grass of the shore?

Can you recall Sundays

Spent in this summer heat

While dozing off,

Seeing myths in the sun

Can you catch the beauty

Of wild paradise

Inside a frame

Modelled after Elysion

It’s a tragedy

With two-faced masks

Which brought me here

Untouched beauty always

Heals all wounds

x

15.00 uur - 22 september 2009

Reisverhaal Nouveau, oktober 2009

Do you miss the clouds

As badly as I do

On a sunlit night

When stars and moon

Are just ghostly

Copies without light

In memory of day

We remain

Silent as the grave

In which she’s buried

Until tomorrow

Wish theclouds

Would hide the stars, the moon

Make night dark as morning

With the curtains closed

x

22september 2009

Back and forth; arogant anddemure.

Big yellowbird inside a cage, can you imagine escaping. Locking up myself again. With clipped wings, no bird can fly away. Darkness always sets in early when we head towards the winter.

Still striving for perfection.

It is easier to find, when your world is small. It is easier to find inside the cage.  

And I will act as a child, zip my mouth, eat the key.

I wonder whether we own a spare...?